3 Nov:

 

~Suspicion at The Surgery~

 

Had to pay a visit to the physician this week. Running a little late, I rushed to enter, pausing briefly to register my presence on a little machine. Preferring to use a knuckle for contact over a finger pad, it soon became a little sore from all the knocking and tapping. The damn device was acting up again, not to mention the fact that it was smeared with fingertips galore. There was absolutely no way I was taking on other people's germs, besides, there were herbals in my pocket I would be trifling for shortly. Meanwhile, my husband sought to park up the carriage, having called to me that he would join me shortly. Ten minutes later and more than a little bored, I found that I had visually examined all those who were sitting around me, mentally attempting to guess the reason for their own visitation. No-one spoke, some glared at me as if I were an alien whilst others gazed longingly at their mobile telephone, hoping for any kind of distraction. Then my husband appeared, and that was when the cool air of nonchalance ended, broken by the sound of cooing, that's correct: a lady cooed at my husband all because of his hair! “Oh! You look just like one of those musketeers! Not many men could carry that off but you certainly can.” Turning towards her husband, she attempted some sort of apology whilst gently patting his hand for reassurance. Too late my dear, I giggled to myself, as he raised a hand to his head in order to cover up his bald patch.

 

Moving on, the dashing Mr WH soon left us again, off for a few days to play Guy Fawkes in a re-enactment…

Having enjoyed the fireworks as a young child, I have come to dislike them as a grown-up, given that my love for animals surpasses most things that bring me pleasure. Animals do not understand why they are being subjected to the booms. bangs and splatters, and in my opinion, they are made to endure far too much man-made stress in their often very short lives without us adding to it by burning money that is so hard to come by, for us average folk anyway. Though it delights me to add that the garden here has become somewhat of a sanctuary for wildlife. Albeit, at present there is a strong domination of corvidae and sturnidae, the latter being particularly greedy and feisty. The month has seen the addition of a red-legged partridge to our clan; he visits us around three times a day but always runs away when I step out to offer him seed. Yesterday, I could hear the alarming sound of distant gunshot, calling out to my familiars to stay near, to stay safe, it was at that moment I chose to ask my husband if he might build me a bird hide or even a little stable of sorts, but he tutted, rolling  his eyes whilst mumbling something about rats.

 

~The Filmmakers and The Relapse of Muttlet~

Have been asked to leave the church Quire as Muttlet keeps hanging around the churchyard, choosing to howl along with us when we sing. He has his own favourite spot underneath the stained glass window, the one that depicts the patron saint, St. George. Some of his belongings (not those of St. George) can be found under a nearby gorse bush, how they even got there baffles me but the verger has given me a week to retrieve them or she’s getting rid of them herself. You see, we have the broadcasters coming tomorrow to record us for a programme on the television set. Apparently, it is called ‘Quite The Quire' but I have never seen it. What I have witnessed though is the stinking attitude the vicar and other members of the WI have towards our Muttlet, it's particularly obvious that they do not wish to share any of their precious screen time with him. He sings better than some of them if you ask me. God loves us all, man and beast I said, but to no avail, thus I have been given my marching orders. Why not leave him at home, I hear you ask? Well we all know that that doesn't work now, don't we? Anyway, he liked to wait for me because our route back would take us past the village shop. Mr Pigglesthwhaite always pops an extra little something in my bag for the boys.

10 Nov:

 

~An Apothecary and An Amateur Herbalist~

~An additional cause of a husband's headache~

 

Have been finding such joy dabbling in apothecary & herbalism. So much so that I have decided to produce a pamphlet that suggests a number of natural ways to promote healing and comfort for all. Soon to be published, it will be available for purchase, not only here on the window’s ledge in The Parlour porchway, but also in the aforementioned village shop, All proceeds will be donated to charity.

 

Here are some of my medicinal suggestions: Please remember that I am neither a certified/qualified physician or professional herbalist and consequently one should always seek professional medical advice in the first instance.

 

Excerpt:

Does one experience any of the following longings or urges?

 

A need for nature? - why then a green medicine should work wonders for you! Maybe a stroll or ramble in a woodland or forest, even a local park perhaps but be careful what you might tread in during the autumn. Hug a tree, collect some enchanting forest fall, eat green vegetables such as sprouts or broccoli florets. Maybe consider adding a little garden mint to your sauce?

 

A need for a little peace, quiet & tranquility? - then this calls for a white tonic of sorts. A new set of quality white bed linen might be just the job or perhaps place a single white feather under your pillow. Surround yourself with white: china plates, notelets, napkins, flowers etc. It's worked for me no end of times…

 

A need for comfort? - a brown medicine. Think about purchasing a brown or beige fluffy teddy bear blanket that you can wrap yourself in with just your head sticking out. Whatever you do, do not seek comfort in the arms of a certain someone with the initials TC or be tempted by any of her family members; they are all uncouth, the whole lot of them.

 

A need for a little warmth?  - now that's easy. An orange, yellow or red prescription should do the trick, no problem. Try sucking on an aniseed ball or add a spoonful of chilli powder to your morning porridge. If it's not a physical sensation you are seeking, just more of feeling, then watch a favoured old movie whilst sampling a glass or two of your favourite tipple. Ours is spiced rum.

 

Do you have a need for love? - then you may well benefit from a pink or cerise solution. Think about sharing a bar of dark cherry chocolate with that one person you like to be around or purchase some stimulating pink bubble bath and double up “wink wink” - you know what I mean. That is to say unless you are already taken but are tempted to look elsewhere, in which case I wouldn't recommend using either suggestion - JUST STAY WELL AWAY FROM MY HUSBAND.

 

Perhaps you have a need for adventure? - then that will require a blue medicine. Try escaping into a copy of Swallows & Amazons in your down time or build yourself a treehouse. Camp out in it during a storm, you can regale tales about your heroics for years on end. Just think of all the drinks you’ll be given down the ale house.

*note: you may need to up the exaggeration a little as unfortunately, folk soon get bored.

Whilst we are at it, let's not forget the need for humour - now this is an important one for it requires a vibrant iridescent kind of medicine, a medicine to titillate both the mind and spirit. Hammer and nails are the way to go, for attempting DIY projects that you have absolutely no idea about can result in a lot of fun, especially when experienced with someone who's brain works very differently to yours. A cautionary note: Be careful not to let it all end in tears as joking aside, this could very well lead to a separation or even divorce should you be married.

17 Nov:

 

~Thoughts on a Theatre~

 

Purchased a dolls house sized theatre that was on sale in a local curtain maker’s shop. I have decided to refresh the exterior whilst totally redesigning the inside. Have been considering the theme of ‘A Midsummer Night's Dream’  having the perfect little chandelier & set of twinkle lights inside my box of Christmas delights. Obviously, the stage will be the centerpiece strewn with tiny acorn cups, leaves, twigs and obligatory feathers, alongside teeny little fairies, fauna & mayhem. Music may very well sound out, as if from a music box. 

 

One cannot contain one's imagination once inspiration has struck.

 

And so it began to snow…

 

Reiterating what I have already stated, we are both  absolutely delighted to see that we now have a red-legged partridge visiting the potager. Initially, we thought it was a young son of the male pheasant who calls by most days, but my husband, being the clever soul that he is, took a photographic image of the little bird and promptly proceeded to identify it. Talking of wildfowl, members of ‘the hunt’ have attempted to visit The Parlour for a celebratory luncheon. Told them that under no circumstance whatsoever will they ever step foot across my doorstep and to turn their filthy vehicles around and skedaddle, pronto! Was subjected to a number of unprintable expletives and threatened with report. All I did was to call their chairman a beastly neanderthal (of sorts). Anyway, one cannot report us, one can only try. 

24 Nov:

 

Ended the month with an impromptu visitation to the Isle of Anglesey, whereupon we stayed in a charming old hotel, patronising a nearby inn that was not only most pleasing aesthetically but had a roaring well kept fire. Given that Chumley is so very fond of sleeping these days and that Muttlet is opposed to resting upon a hardened floor, we sat them together, raised up high in their perambulator where they could take in the surroundings and stare, with little or no discretion, at other people's dinner plates. We all had a lovely time and patiently await further exciting adventures in the year to come.

 

Once again I find that time is running away with me and that new year I speak of is beginning to introduce itself. But before I rush off, what do I think that the month of December might bring? That, I cannot say, but what I do know is that there is a sort of secret something in the air…

 

Until next month. Please, please, remember to feed the wild things…even if it's just the meagre crumbs off your plate. Meanwhile, I'm off to tease a little tinsel and possibly tickle on a poinsettia or two. Ta ta!

Mrs WH